As limp controversies go, the one about the BBC snubbing the Queen Mother takes some beating. This disagreement is as droopy as old lettuce, but that doesn't stop the headlines massing.

Now it is worth pointing out that these headlines took root in the Daily Mail, and if mention of that newspaper brings to mind a compost heap of indignation, so be it. The Mail stirred up this empty-vessel dispute with a lot of clattering nonsense about the BBC's decision not to broadcast live a parade of soldiers and civilians to mark the Queen Mother's 100th birthday.

The BBC had already lined up programmes on BBC1, as well as assorted documentaries, celebrations, music programmes and broadcasts on Radios 2, 3 and 4. But the corporation decided not to relay the event in question, which takes place fully two weeks before the Queen Mother's birthday on August 4.

A small matter, you might have thought. But enough for the Daily Mail to thunder with tub-thumping predictability: "How dare the BBC snub the Queen Mother."

All this put the Mail in a mood of tin-potty fulmination, so much so that the following day it further condemned the BBC as "Arrogant and so out of touch" on pages wobbling with indignation.

The corporation was derided for its apparent republicanism, and criticised for "a depth of journalistic incompetence unforgivable in a publicly-funded organisation".

It is often the case that the poor old BBC can't put a foot forward without offending someone - especially a professionally touchy newspaper lurking up on that hill known as High Dudgeon, just waiting for a chance to take momentous offence with whatever comes to hand.

The BBC is there for all of us, and as a publicly-funded organisation it has to please people across assorted cultural divides. And because you can't please all of the people all of the time - or the Daily Mail almost any of the time - the BBC is always in danger of annoying someone or other.

There are those among us who have no strong feelings towards the Queen Mother. She inspires in our breasts neither admiration nor hostility, just a long-lasting sense of nothing much at all. She is there, and has been for a very long time, and can stand as a touchstone of Britishness, should you wish her to fulfil such a role.

Speaking your mind about the Queen Mother can be a tricky business, as the Reverend Dr John Roden discovered in February this year. Dr Roden caused a nation-wide fuss after sending a letter to this newspaper in which he said that the York Minster Bells Appeal should be linked to a more worthy cause than the "grandmother of an incredibly dysfunctional family".

After a reverberating brouhaha, Dr Roden wrote a letter of apology, containing the rather lovely sentence: "I'm sorry if anyone's upset, whoever they are."

The Vicar of Appleton Roebuck can turn a phrase and I liked that "whoever they are". This mysterious section of the British public is often called on by newspapers, though addressed more importantly as "the silent majority" or "the Great British Public".

So far as I know, there is no statute demanding that the GBP declare undying fealty to the Queen Mum, whatever great age she attains. In fact, it is quite possible to wish the old dear well, without desiring to hear another word about her. Or indeed to watch more than one very short television programme devoted to her long and pampered life.

After all, the BBC has already ear-marked £1 million for coverage of the Queen Mother's centenary on BBC1 alone. And as a long-time licence payer - apart from an unfortunate and costly oversight some years ago - that strikes me as more than enough public dosh for the purpose at hand.

18/05/00

If you have any comments you would like to make, contact Julian Cole directly at julian.cole@ycp.co.uk