Living the past for dying wishes

Staff from Fitness First flash back to the Seventies

SWEET CHARITY ONE...

Have fun, keep fit, and make a dying wish come true. More than 350 members of Fitness First at Clifton Moor, York, did exactly that when they turned out for a Seventies bop till you drop bash at the nearby ikon and Diva nightspot this week.

It was all in aid of the Starlight Children's Foundation which helps to grant the wishes of terminally ill children.

Clare Evans, 27, of Fitness First, says: "Our staff dressed up in Seventies gear during the day and then joined guests at the nightclub for a brilliant night out. We raised £723 for Starlight and had a great laugh at the same time.

"Some of the boys (kipper ties, flares and flowery shirts) and girls (skimpy short skirts, knee-high boots and boob tubes) did a Full Monty. Well, the lasses didn't quite take all their kit off, but a few of the lads did! It was a hoot."

The fitness club is only £250 away from its Starlight target of £1,000 which they hope to reach next Saturday when they hold an open day - all welcome.

...SWEET CHARITY TWO

What a generous bunch they are in the Waggon and Horses in York's Lawrence Street.

In two months they have raised nigh on £2,000 to provide nebulisers, at £250 each, for children with cystic fibrosis to breathe more easily in the comfort of their own homes.

Sponsored darts, beard-shaves, chest waxes, raffles, a karaoke night courtesy of Clive - the world's meanest man, he can slice a crisp, actually he did it for free - raffles and a swear box, which, alone, yielded a healthy £341, featured in the big push for this laudable charity.

CF sufferers have trouble breathing, have coughing fits and are prone to chest infections and pneumonia.

As yet there is no cure but nebulisers provide a much welcome breath of life.

Vicky Bettany, 24, a life-long CF suffer who, the quacks predicted would never reach three years old, says: "Raising the money has been hard work for staff and customers alike 'cos I've been badgering 'em when I haven't been in hospital myself for treatment.

"But, truly, we all can't thank the warm-hearted customers, barmaid Lorraine Carter and landlords Mick and Kay enough for all their help and support."

Flippin' fantastic, I say, just to avoid the dreaded swear box!

York plumber Baz Fowler nearly went round the U-bend after giving up a day's work and waiting two and three quarter hours at York District Hospital. He had been called in after tests "north and south" as he delicately phrased it shed no light on his suspected anaemia.

"The doctor said to me 'I'm sorry I can't find the results of your barium meal test, Mr Fowler.'"

Which came as no surprise to the queue-weary plumber. He'd never had one. Oops!

High noon Easter Monday... and Dr Rock is rollin' back! He returns to Radio York for a one-off hour of maniacal fun and great old sounds.

When he was axed earlier this year I ran a campaign to have him re-instated after fans bombarded me with letters of outrage and support for the good doctor.

As I understand it Doctor Rock could make a real come-back if more BBC local radio stations agree to take his show.

So rock it to 'em, Doc!

A York print worker was taking so many days off because of illness his frustrated boss turned to a fellow inky and snapped: "Syd's getting right up my nose. He's turning into a proper aphrodisiac!"

To which came the searing response: "That raging hypochondriac doesn't turn me on one bit, boss!"

Oscar Fingal O'Flahertie Wills Wilde, who never drank in the York Arms as far as I know, once said: "Women should marry... men never!"

I can't help but think the most scintillating wit of the 19th century would have raised a smile upon reading these snippets about what children think of love and marriage.

How do you decide who to marry?

"You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming" - Alan, aged ten.

"No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with" - Kirsten, ten.

What is the right age to get married?

"Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person forever by then" - Camille, ten.

"No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married" -Freddie, six.

How can a stranger tell if two people are married?

"Married people usually look happy to talk to other people" - Eddie, six.

"You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids" - Derrick, eight.

What do you think your mom and dad have in common?

"Both don't want no more kids" - Lori, eight.

What do most people do on a date?

"Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough" - Lynnette, eight.

"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date" - Martin, ten.

What would you do on a first date that was going wrong?

"I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns" - Craig, nine.

When is it okay to kiss someone?

"When they're rich" - Pam, seven.

Is it better to be single or married?

"I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out" - Theo, eight.

"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them" - Anita, nine.

How would you make a marriage work?

"If you want to last with your man, you should wear a lot of sexy clothes, especially underwear that is red and maybe has a few diamonds on it" - Lori, eight.

"Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck" - Ricky, ten.

Gossip can be e-mailed to Turpin at features@ycp.co.uk

22/04/00

Converted for the new archive on 30 June 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.