Helen Mead

My daughters are going all the way to the top. They're going to smash the so-called glass ceiling and be ultra-successful, first at school, then at work.

Many will ask how I know this - because, after all, they're only aged three and one. And I will confidently reply: "Because I'm bolshie".

According to the results of a new survey, if you want to get ahead in life, you need a domineering, stroppy mother - which, as my family and friends will vouch, describes me to a T.

My husband would go much further. "Helen's terrible to live with - she's a control freak," I overheard him telling one of my friends.

I was furious with him for blackening my good name. But with this research in mind, I can hold my head up high and say: "Well, it may be hell for you, but it's good for the children."

Now, when I ring a public utility and give someone grief for a minor error on my bill, he won't grimace and say: "Why waste all that time on the phone for a couple of pounds?" Instead he will smile and say "That's my girl".

When I storm into the supermarket clutching a pot of yoghurt three days past its sell-by date he will no longer tell me to "Calm down, it doesn't matter," he will say: "Get in there and go for the jugular."

And when I curse the driver in front of me for creeping along at five miles per hour he won't accuse me of being an intolerant road-rager, he will laugh and tell me to blast my horn.

A study published in the Journal of Personality (I haven't spotted that in Smiths) found that children are more likely to be successful in life if they have mums who make a stand - but at the same time are responsible, sensitive and mature.

That's the down side. Sensitive - yes, I think so. Responsible - most of the time. But mature? I don't believe I've developed mentally beyond the age of 16. Still, when my daughters reach that milestone, at least I'll be able to relate to them.

I'm 39, yet I'd love to be able to have my friends over for a sleep-over - I mourn the days when I'd sit on my bed with a couple of mates, swapping make-up and giggling about the lads we fancied.

So maturity is out. Then there's the other problem. Researchers found that mums who are anxious, frustrated and moody have a negative effect on their children, and they do less well in life. Oh dear. Better not post that application form for a couple of infant scholarships to Cambridge University.

The survey concluded that a mother's personality has a significant effect on whether their children had turned out 'well'. It explained the success of celebrities such as Caron Keating, whose mother is outgoing TV personality Gloria Hunniford, and Stella McCartney, whose mum Linda was a strong animal rights campaigner.

Although some might argue that in cases like these success has more to do with who the parent is not what they're like as a person. Anyway, Linda McCartney didn't strike me as stroppy and domineering.

As for my own mum. Well, she can be as bolshie as Henry Enfield's Kevin. She'd deny it, of course, but if these traits really are passed from mother to child, there's ample proof - in the shape of me.

10/04/00

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