Cor slimy what a find

This slimy slug, identified by York boffins, could mean a cure for Whirling Syndrome brain disease

A new species of slug identified in York has set researchers into a spin. The slimy creature, christened peelis kitchensis yorkis by staff in the University of York's biology department who found it, likes cool, dark conditions where there's plenty of food.

It is most likely to be found in kitchens, pantries or garden sheds: unlike most slugs, which enjoy moist outdoor conditions.

But what has got scientists particularly excited about this little beastie is a chemical it secretes in the slimy trail it leaves behind it.

They believe it could hold the key to a cure for Whirling Syndrome: a rare condition caused by a tiny, water-borne parasite that gets into victims' brains and affects their co-ordination.

In the UK, only about one person in every million suffers from the condition, which in its final stages leaves patients unable to see properly or co-ordinate their movement, so that they stagger and walk in circles.

But it is common in African countries, where the parasite which causes it, a single-celled organism known as sillibacter iuraphool, lives in rivers and unsterilised drinking water. Travellers are also at risk.

Whirling Syndrome is most common in spring because of sillibacter's life cycle which means it reproduces at the end of March when the water reaches a certain temperature. Water can become a soup of sillibacter and once it gets into the human body, it makes directly for the brain.

York University's Dr Joseph Khonyu, whose team discovered the new slug and isolated the chemical from its trail, said early indications were it could stop sillibacter spreading inside the body, so preventing the brain damage which causes Whirling Syndrome.

"If we're right, this ordinary-looking little creepy crawly could save thousands of lives," he said.

Five Yorkettes are on the Saturday night razzle in Harrogate when, just around midnight, two decide they want to get back to their favourite York nightspot for a late taste.

Talk about brass neck. They chat up a York-based Harrogate bouncer who very kindly offers to drive them back to the city. On the way they ring the York nightclub on his mobile phone and tell the person on the ticket desk that they have just finished recording Stars In Their Eyes - one as Patsy Cline, the other as Cher - and would they be allowed into the club at such a late hour?

Allowed in? When they got to the club the door staff let them in for free (saving £14) after saying they had been expecting the telly 'stars'. Neither one looked anything like the star they purported to be. As my grandma always said : "Shy girls get jam and bread." How true, how true.

When it comes to clocks the big hand should always know what the little hand is doing especially when switching to British Summer Time.

Beefy Bill Lockhart, the affable steward of the Irish National League Club in York's Navigation Road, lost sleep over this.

After a busy night in the club, Bill trudged up the wooden hill to Bedfordshire and remembered to turn the bedside clock on an hour. What he did not realise was that his beloved Sarah had already turned the clock on an hour before getting tucked up.

Poor bleary-eyed Bill lost two hours sleep last Sunday morning rather than one. He was not amused.

Prime Minister Tony Blair banged on to regional newspaper editors in London this week about the importance of change and modernisation.

But first he revealed his own difficulties in getting to grips with change.

He has been taking lessons in his North-east constituency of Sedgefield on how to use a computer, but was struggling somewhat.

Eventually, another bloke on his course remarked on the PM's lack of progress compared to his own. 'What I can't understand,' said this bloke, 'is that I'm better at computers than you, yet you're running the country and I'm long-term unemployed.'

Our erudite leader was, for once, lost for words.

As thousands of sporting Yorkies limber up with one-arm press-ups for the start of the Olympic Games on September 15 here are some of the classic questions being sent to the Sydney all-sports committee via its web site... and their no-nonsense answers.

Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA) Depends on how much beer you've consumed.

Which direction should I drive, Perth to Darwin or Darwin to Perth, to avoid driving with the sun in my eyes? (Germany) Excellent question, considering the Olympics are being held in Sydney.

I want to walk from Perth to Sydney. Can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden) Sure its only 7,000 miles, so you'll need to have started about a year and a half ago to get there in time for this October.

My client wants to bring a steel pooper-scooper into Australia. Will you let her in? (South Africa) Why? We have toilet paper here.

Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (Portugal) Use your fingers like the rest of us.

Do you have perfume in Australia? (UK) No, everybody stinks.

Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK) This has to have been asked by a blonde.

Please tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy) Gay nightclubs.

Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA) What's this guy smoking and where do I get some?

I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees (USA) A racing hippo.

Which direction is north in Australia? (USA) Face north and you should be about right.

Are there places in Australia where you can make love outdoors? (Italy) Yes, outdoors.

Techno-twerps

Computer technology is a wondrous thing if, instead of being a whiz you're a complete wazzock, as any technical support (TS) adviser will tell you.

These are real cries for help.

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."

Customer: "OK."

TS: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

TS: "OK. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

TS: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"

Customer: "Yes, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."

Customer: "Uhh... I need help unpacking my new PC."

TS: "What exactly is the problem?"

Customer: "I can't open the box."

TS: "Well, I'd remove the tape holding the box closed and go from there."

Customer: "Uhhhh... OK, thanks."

TS: "OK, in the bottom left-hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"

Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

Defining moment

And when they were up they were up, and when they were down they were down,

and when they were only half way up, I was arrested.

- Spike Milligan

Gossip can be e-mailed to Turpin at features@ycp.co.uk

03/04/00

Converted for the new archive on 30 June 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.