Glynis has Breakfast for supper

When mother-of-three Glynis Knaggs gets back to her Acomb home from work she tucks in to her... Big Breakfast.

The 47-year-old leapt to the defence of Channel Four's Big Breakfast hosts Johnny Vaughan and Kelly Brook after reading a stinging letter in this esteemed publication slagging off the duo for their "relentless yapping, mindless giggling and senseless noise."

Letter writer Robert Holmes of Thorganby, York savaged Kelly for being a "19-year-old bimbette" whose "contribution is a series of grunts with bouts of spurious laughter."

Enter Glynis wielding her remote who promptly smote raging Robert.

"Oh, dear. Mr Holmes must think me a very sad person, but I love The Big Breakfast. Even gloriously silly moments from Vital Statistics to the Paper Review, On Me Shed Son to the Friday Song.

"I record it every morning before I go to work and watch it in the evening.

"At least it's not a soap, DIY or cookery programme.

"Johhny Vaughan cheers me up and leave Kelly alone, she's doing OK. My kids think I'm nuts but I love my Big Breakfast."

Glynis's idea of heaven? To see Johnny Vaughan, Alan Titchmarsh and George Clooney on the same show together.

The recent furore over the latest fashion of wearing a skirt over your flared-leg trousers is a mystery to me after an eye-boggling event recently.

As I wended my merry way along Walmgate on a rather sticky day a woman was unbuttoning her shirt to reveal her liberty bodice, or whatever skimpies are called these days.

Perhaps these new Skousers - skirt 'n' trousers - herald a welcome return to the fashion principles of a previous age when women wisely covered themselves up to protect against the elements and the lascivious glances of highwaymen and other ne'er do wells.

Sitting quaffing a tincture of tonsil tonic with Irish Jim in a hostelry hard by the Minster when a pleasant young couple plonked themselves at our table.

Obviously out-of-towners, the young woman asked Jim: "Is their a B and Q in York?"

Jim answered in a millisecond: "No, but there's a Y and K."

It's morning rush hour in York on the stretch of inner-ring road between Piccadilly and the roundabout before crossing the River Ouse.

Traffic is nose to tail with more surging into view. But hey! What this? Two police cars have stopped, one behind the other, and the traffic brakes to a nose-grounding halt.

Suddenly one policeman leaps out of the following yellow-and-blue traffic car and runs up to the first.

It's heads together and lots of ear-to-ear, and what comes out loud and clear, after lots of finger pointing, are directions to the magistrates' court.

For the second car is from West Yorkshire's elite.

Even if the force is with you and you are part of it... if you want to know the way ask a policeman. Even if it does mean holding up the traffic.

Ryder plc, a 'fast moving U.S. multinational firm of truck rental, contract hire and distribution service' advertised this week for 'a 7.5 tonne driver to work on a home delivery contract based in York from Tuesday to Saturdays.'

Imagine the size of the pizzas if the driver is 7.5 tonnes. Heavy, man!

The young woman who raucously proclaims the Word of God in York's Parliament Street every week could take a few lessons from the old busker who brings light relief and a smile to to shoppers' faces in the same street.

The flame-haired woman in knee-high leather boots and moleskin jacket could do with a good PA system like that used by the brightly-decorated bloke in his camp chair to serenade shoppers with timeless, easy listening classics such as Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

All credit to an enthusiastic team of teenagers who represent young people across York in their roles as members of the local authority's Shadow Youth Council.

This band of young workhorses - who shun teen mags in favour of council agendas - are largely responsible for organising the acclaimed youth and children's conference held in the city last November, at which York MP Hugh Bayley and others signed up to the UN charter on children's rights.

But despite its widely-acknowledged success, the conference suffered one or two hitches, according to a lengthy report by members of the youth council, who must have sacrificed many hours and chances to misspend their youth just to write it. At the end of the conference, they reveal, an evening disco was arranged for delegates and friends.

Professional DJs were hired along with support staff to ensure the evening went with a bang. Even refreshments were provided.

"Unfortunately," the budding young politicians explain in their report on the evening, "the event was not a great success."

They go on: "Few young people attended and this meant there was little atmosphere or participation.

"The DJs tried to liven the evening up and great efforts were made to find music the young people appreciated and would dance to."

But all was not lost.

"There was great excitement when the fire alarm was set off by the disco smoke machine!"

Sounds like a great night.

Brazilian beauties strutting their stuff on the beaches of Rio are getting tans in their halter neck bikinis then flaunting the two white strap lines left on the sun-starved skin as a style point when they were go out low-cut tops.

Turpin has been stylish for years. Whenever I get a tan I keep my mask on and return with eyes like a Black and White Minstrel

It confuses the law and amuses the carriage trade.

Did you know the Wildlife Officer for Selby police is called PC Fox?

Let me know if you hear of a Master of Hounds called Hunt....

Signs all over York are getting wackier.

Such as the oneadvertising a cornucopia of camping equipment on display on Knavesmire until April 25. Not a Julian Clary in sight.

And we who are Proud to Be York know the city was far too important to be included in any of the Yorkshire Ridings.

And we all know Southerners can't understand this simple fact. However, the word, it seems, has finally reached those Southerners who pretend to control our destinies.

The traffic authorities now acknowledge that York is so unique, it belongs to neither north England nor to south England. How do we know?

Roadsigns on the A658 south of Harrogate now direct motorists as follows: The North A1, The South A1, (York 19 miles). But why have they included brackets?

What about this double-edged sign near the Barbican Centre that says: Accident Improvement Scheme.

Does that mean for a classier accident, come to York?

DEFINING MOMENT

Journalist: A man who lies in the sun all day, then goes home to his typewriter to lie some more - Frank Sinatra

17/04/99

Converted for the new archive on 30 June 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.