John Potts

They call it the Banana-skin Factor. It is said to be the basis of every joke that ever was; we laugh at other people's misfortune, as typified when they slip on a banana skin.

It follows that the loftier the personage, the funnier the fall. So it's funnier when a bishop takes a tumble than when a bank clerk does the same - funnier even than a bank manager, but not much. So we have all had a lot of fun lately with the banana skins littering Whitehall.

First there was Peter Mandelson, flat on his back over that huge loan from Geoffrey Robinson. Mr Mandelson always seemed such a superior chap, credited with tailoring Tony Blair's vision of New Labour. It was said he had more power behind the scenes than the John Prescotts and Jack Cunninghams.

He loved the good life, networking with the wealthy, the titled, even the Royals. Above all, he seemed so slick and smooth that nothing could stick to him. No wonder that his tumble met with such glee, not least among Labour colleagues.

Next on the banana skin was Chancellor Gordon Brown's aide Charlie Whelan, accused by many of dishing the dirt on Mandelson (which he denied). But nobody denies he's a rough, tough operator with more power than any un-elected public servant should be able to wield.

So, of course, there were more to laugh than cry at his downfall.

Best laugh of all came at Government efforts to blame the media for concentrating on the affairs of such as Mandelson and Whelan - one woman Minister was comically wheeled out on TV to argue that Whelan was a behind-the-scenes man, so why all this media attention?

It seemed to escape her that Whelan and his like have made themselves public figures with the often aggressive wielding of their power.

The banana skins even seemed present on that Seychelles beach where Prime Minister Tony Blair and his family were enjoying a holiday. In the middle of all that damaging publicity at home, there came a dispatch to tell us that Tony had helped rescue a Danish swimmer from drowning.

It seemed the Prime Minister had gone offshore in a launch to phone home (perhaps the beach was bugged), when he saw the swimmer waving for help and helped haul him from the water.

Sadly, this jolly little spin came un-spun when the swimmer later said he was not drowning, not in any difficulty, but was merely giving a friendly wave to the launch.

However, the launch party dragged him from the water, then gave him a lift ashore, and Tony's swimsuit, in the words of the old song, never even got wet. Reminds me of the classic tale of the old lady who was "helped" across the road by enthusiastic Boy Scouts, only to remonstrate that she never wanted to cross in the first case.

Now the Prime Minister is home, coping with another banana skin victim, Foreign Secretary Robin Cook, who has been savaged in a book by his ex-wife, which depicts him as a tight-fisted womaniser with some unflattering views of Cabinet colleagues.

Mr Cook has always struck me as a particularly unlikeable little man, arrogant and waspish in his comments on others. I know he doesn't have far to fall, but nevertheless I reckon he is ideal banana skin material, don't you?

THESE supermarkets will do anything for more business, but the latest Tesco gimmick strikes me as a bit bare-faced, if you will pardon the expression.

The Tesco store in Hastings is about to hold special late night shopping sessions for nudists. I can understand why people might get their kit off in secluded country hideouts - but starkers shopping?

What's the point? I do worry about nude shoppers spending too much time close to those deep-freeze food cabinets, which I find chilling, even fully dressed. I only hope Tesco first-aiders are trained in the treatment of frostbite south of the equator.

12/01/99

Converted for the new archive on 30 June 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.