John Potts

THERE are times when I think we are truly the mugs of Europe. Or, as the Americans would put it, No 1 Suckers. And they would know, as it was a Yank (reputedly ace showman Phineas T Barnum) who said: "There's a sucker born every minute."

We are suckers because illegal immigrants hide in lorries and travel across Europe, passing up the chance to get off in France, Germany or Belgium, because they know we offer the choicest free handouts. We are suckers because car manufacturers sell their cars thousands of pounds cheaper across the Channel than they do here - and we let them get away with it.

We are suckers because, day after day, it is revealed how various traders price their goods much higher here than elsewhere. The big name American clothes firms are particularly bad offenders, and they are ruthless in clamping down on British firms who do try to cut prices. It was another American who said: "Never give a sucker an even break."

A recent TV programme lifted the lid on Ikea, the Swedish firm which has been telling us to throw out our old-fashioned British furniture and buy theirs instead (actually, I think their stuff looks like second rate Habitat). But Ikea sell much much cheaper on the Continent than they do to us silly old-fashioned Brits.

The big supermarkets are the latest to be accused of undue profiteering, and we read how you can take a day trip across the Channel and buy much cheaper in a French hypermart. Well, yes, that is true, and OK if you live a short drive from the ferry, but not much good to those of us further afield.

Daftest variation on this theme came in the Daily Mail, which sent a woman writer to New York to do the Christmas shopping ("it makes great financial sense"). Shopping for father, mother, daughter and godson, she spent a measly £3,696 on goods that would cost £5,222 in London. For father she bought six items, for mother nine, for daughter three and godson three. Mum's presents alone came to over £2,100.

So she saved £1,526 - but it cost her £5,750 to go there and back in a day by Concorde! ("but surely," she says, "a woman can treat herself at Christmas"). To be fair, it is pointed out you can go by British Airways economy flight, plus one night's accommodation, from £246.50.

But really, all this dashing across the Channel or the Atlantic is not a realistic exercise for most of us. It may add up if you're buying a shipping order, but who wants to go to New York to get a tie for Uncle George, a scarf for Cousin Fred and gift boxes of "smellies" for assorted aunts and nieces?

We admit we are suckers, paying more than we should, but is there any realistic way round it? I won't be visiting Ikea, I'll shop very carefully for my next car, but no doubt trot along to my favourite supermarket for the usual weekly shop. Day trips to France or New York are not on the menu. Buy British, I say!

PARLIAMENT offered us a dose of comedy as the doomed House of Lords refused to jump through hoops for Tony Blair.

I hold no brief for hereditary non-elected peers, but then I don't see why we should be ruled by non-elected bishops or non-elected political-appointee life peers, either. The comedy came when Tony chastised hereditary backwoodsmen for their "undemocratic" action. Coming from a control freak, this was rich.

Funniest of all was Paddy Ashdown waxing almost apoplectic about "undemocratic" peers denying us the kind of electoral system for which we voted. The point is that Paddy justified getting into bed with Labour by promising his troops proportional representation, with the Euro elections as first instalment. Truly, Paddy in a paddy is a wondrous funny sight.

24/11/98

Converted for the new archive on 30 June 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.