Distress really is caused to children by divorce and separation...but it usually fades with time, according to new research by the York-based Joseph Rowntree Foundation.
Youngsters whose parents part can suffer from unhappiness, worry, bedwetting and low self-esteem, but the problems are generally short-lived.
However, in some cases the damage can be lasting - the research suggests future employment, health and behavioural problems are more likely to plague children from broken homes than those where the parents stick together.
The findings come from a review of more than 200 British studies into the impact of separation and divorce on children - research that spans more than 30 years.
It finds that one of the main factors that can cause long-term damage is conflict and a poor relationship between the separating parents and their children.
The research comes as York's marriage counselling service Relate prepares to launch a service aimed directly at supporting children with separating parents.
Relateen is due to start in September, offering a chance for youngsters to discuss and talk about their anxieties.
Jenny Stirke, manager of the service, said: "It is fairly evident that a family's separation can have effects on children and counselling can obviously help them.
"It may not be appropriate for everybody, but it can give an opportunity to focus on what can be a very difficult time for them."
Karen Richardson, general manager of One Parent Families based in Priory Street, York, agreed with the research's findings. She said parents' attitudes were the key to how the child recovered from the split.
She said: "Children can become very disturbed if their parents are using them as a weapon against the other parent. It is important that the parents can still play a part in their children's lives. If the child is secure in the knowledge that their parents still love them then they can come out of the separation relatively unscathed."
The review also finds that: Absence of a parent figure is not the most damaging factor on a child's development following separation;
The age of children at the time of separation is not important;
There is no evidence that boys are more affected than girls. The review, carried out by experts on behalf of the Joseph Rowntree Foundation, suggests that most children wish their parents had stayed together and hope they will reunite immediately after the split.
The separation can lead to a minority having long-term problems including leaving school with few qualifications, suffering from behaviour problems including aggression and delinquency and being susceptible to early pregnancies and depression.
The research found that long- term effects can be linked with financial hardship and other family circumstances, family conflict before, during and after the separation and the ability of parents to recover from the stress of the split themselves.
The authors of the report conclude that: Children and parents need professional support to help them through the separation;
Doctors, teachers and solicitors should be offered information and training to make it easier to advise families;
Parents should be informed of the impact divorce can have;
Support services should enable parents to remain involved in their children's lives, unless it is necessary to protect them from abuse.
See COMMENT Always involve the children
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