It was billed as the "mother of all football matches", but the United States versus Iran clash was anything but.

Apart from a minor scuffle in the Iranian goalmouth after the Americans had scored a consolation goal, this was the sweetest, gentlest of encounters.

The scene had been set by the Iranians just before the kick-off when they handed over flowers to the American team - forcibly reminding me of that classic Lou Reed line from the Transformer album: "You're so vicious, you hit me with a flower."

The Iranians were anything but vicious, and neither were Desmond Lynam and his merry men from the BBC (who, by the way, have consistently wiped the floor with their ITV counterparts throughout this World Cup). Whilst the US-Iran match might be of great significance on the diplomatic stage, it was very much an irrelevance in footballing terms. Both teams will be jetting home soon.

So Des was even more urbane and relaxed than ever - capping a trite load of garbage from President Bill Clinton with the quip: "I wonder what his fee was for that?".

Well, Des, you should know, following your anti-perspirant advertisements and your cameo appearance in that dull Neil Morrisey vehicle on television a couple of weeks back.

No matter, I think the admirable Des earns his keep - even if he might have been auto-pilot last night. In the absence of Jimmy Hill, Des didn't have to worry about Alan Hansen getting uppity - and there was no repeat of the Hill-Hansen clash over Paul Scholes during the England-Tunisia game which remains a highlight of the BBC's coverage of France '98.

Both Martin O'Neill and Ali McCoist were duly deferential to Hansen, in case he destroyed them with one his withering one-liners, whilst commentator David Pleat totally destroyed the career of one of the poorer American players by saying: "He has no right leg, literally."

Maybe he'd come across those German hooligans.

Converted for the new archive on 30 June 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.