The much-maligned armchair footy fan has to be made of stern stuff these days.

Suffering the incessant ramblings of one-time soccer legends and sacked managers with nothing to say has become a way of life during this World Cup.

Take Kevin Keegan - somebody, please!

He may still be a God on Tyneside and his place assured in football's hall of fame - if only for being the first of a long line of dreadful soccer star perms - but his puns and comments are about as welcome as toothache.

After the hapless Ha, of South Korea, got sent off during his country's 3-1 defeat at the hands of Mexico, KK was heard to mutter: "Well, he's not laughing now."

I'm sure he wasn't, Kev, but neither were we.

Just after Italy's Roberto Baggio slotted home a penalty against Chile and thus erased the horrors of his World Cup final miss four years ago, the silver-haired one-time maestro with the less than silver tongue was heard to spout the following words of wisdom:

"That's not courage, that's not a word we like to use in football. That was guts."

Mind you, King Kev is certainly not alone in putting his mouth into gear well before his brain.

Could someone explain what David Pleat meant when during the Germany v USA game he said: "They're striking the ball at goal, but are they really trying to score?"

You're muttering words, but are you really trying to make sense, David?

During the Scotland v Norway game, a radio commentator cleverly reasoned that: "The Hungarian referee should have no problems understanding the players.

"The Norwegian squad speak good English and MOST of the Scots speak English."

Bring back David Coleman, all is forgiven.

Converted for the new archive on 30 June 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.