IN a big-hearted gesture of cross-party cooperation, Tory MP Anne McIntosh has told Tony Blair: "I'll do your make up for you."

Ms McIntosh has observed the powder-puff Prime Minister at close quarters for many years and is convinced she could do as good a job as the cosmetics professionals.

It emerged this week that Mr Blair has spent more than £1,800 of taxpayers' money on make up and make up artists in the last six years.

The fact that Mr Blair is a happy slapper comes as no great surprise to the Vale of York MP and Diary fashion correspondent.

"The first time we noticed it was before I was elected," she said. "When John Major was Prime Minister Tony Blair was teased terribly by colleagues in the House about the fact that he was wearing foundation and powder."

Most male MPs, made up for TV, are keen to wash the stuff off the moment the cameras stop rolling, she said. Not so Mr Blair. "If it was my husband wearing that much make up, I would start to get worried."

Ms McIntosh confesses to applying a little lippie, mascara and some blusher in winter. But her cosmetics bill would not come close to the Prime Minister's, "and I don't get the taxpayer to pay for it".

Neither is there a beautician on call to do the honours. "My sister-in-law occasionally makes me up when I am in Yorkshire. She hasn't charged yet. I hope she doesn't get any ideas."

Eternally keen to save the Exchequer a bob or two, our Anne said she would be quite happy to tart up the PM as and when. "I'm always available and I don't charge."

ARE other New Labour luvvies hiding behind a mask of make-up?

We put in a call to Selby MP John Grogan to grill him on his cosmetics bill, but he failed to ring back.

And York MP Hugh Bayley has travelled all the way to Ghana to avoid probing questions on the topic...

READERS will remember Philip Roe's freezer mix-up, which resulted in his gin being infiltrated with keema matar.

The latest bulletin from Stamford Bridge revealed that he managed to filter out the lumpiest bits of the curry, leaving him with a somewhat spicier bottle of Greenalls.

"Necessity being the mother of invention I decided to revert to various 'flavourings' to try and mask the curry taste a little, and lined-up Coke (the Coca-Cola variety, not the sniffing type I hasten to point out!), lemonade, lime-juice and last, but by no means least, Angostura Bitters," says Phil.

"Coke, lemonade and lime-juice all had the jury decidedly underwhelmed, but the Angostura Bitters proved to be an inspired addition. This marvellous liquid carried the unanimous accolades of all the jury. Numbers of jurists? Er, just the one...

"In fact I can state quite unequivocally that the combination of gin, curry and Angostura Bitters contributed to a drink with a certain je ne sais quoi which could perhaps fill a niche in the drinks market.

"Hell, if people will drink those God-awful alcopops they'd definitely fall for alcocurrygin."

Booze and an Indian combined? It's a complete night out in a bottle - and you heard it here first.

Updated: 09:37 Tuesday, July 26, 2005