SHE is known as a doughty campaigner to save York Barbican't Centre. But Dusty Wartho is also something of a poet.

The Dunnington resident has now combined these passions. "With the situation over the Barbican becoming so bogged down and perhaps people becoming tired with all the wrangling, I thought this poem would be a little light relief for all," she tells the Diary.

The first part of her verse was originally written for an over-50s fitness class whose teacher Audrey put them through their paces, hence the title. The post-Barbican addendum was written more recently.

Audrey's Coffin Dodgers

A young lad as sat on York Council, cem up wi a brilliant idea

As city ad lots of old codgers we must get rid o some in't next year

So they started up yon keep fit classes, we'll kill em all off don't you see

An so they won't know, we'll keep prices low and tempt em with bikkies and tea.

Then they unted around and found Audrey, very slim, very able and fit

She were a demon, soon ad us screaming, the classes were off, this were it...

Very soon there undreds and undreds, all puffing and blowing I fear

As weer put through our paces, red and purple in't faces, Council suddenly thought, What's wrong ere?

We've gotten these very fit oldies, it just shouldn't appen this way

They're all fit and flying, none of em dying, whitever went wrong they did say...

Addendum

So the Council ave finally succeeded, at least that's ow it seems

They've tekken away all our pleasures and wi it our opes and our dreams

And weer left with a beer den and nightclub, and casino thrown in to boot

Where up to three thousand people can all get drunk as a coot.

We've fought long and ard for our fit club, to stay fit and strong was our aim.

But for Yorkies it seems if you're not in your teens

Being fit's not the name of the game.

THIS picture was sent in anonymously by email.

The playboy looks familiar, but we just can't place him. And if the beauty queen would like to get in touch and tell us about her glittering night out we'd love to hear from you.

But what is Mr York saying to Miss York? It's over to you. The person who comes up with the best picture caption that gets past our lawyers will win a vodka martini cocktail set, a prize as sophisticated as our glamour couple.

Updated: 09:31 Monday, August 01, 2005