HOW'S this for a blockbusting movie plot?

Dracula and his band of wicked pirates and terrorists hatch an evil plot to take over the world.

They plan to steal the supreme golden sword from the Ninjas, a group of awesome martial arts experts who use their skills to protect mankind. The sword is so powerful it will allow them to rule the globe.

The baddies send in cartoon favourite Spongebob Squarepants to hypnotise the Ninjas and send them to sleep. That done, the gang kidnaps the chief Ninja, Grandpa Russ, who knows the location of the magic sword, and try to extract this information from him by all manner of foul deeds.

When the Ninjas wake up they follow clues that lead them to the gang's hideout beneath a pizza store. After a tremendous karate-chopping bust-up between the goodies and the baddies, there is a showdown between Grandpa Russ and Dracula in which the vampire is vanquished. (But he turns into a bat and flaps off, leaving open the opportunity of a sequel).

Phew! This film promises more excitement than a dozen Hollywood blockbusters. But Ninjas Versus Dracula: Quest For The Golden Magic Sword was conceived and acted by York children between the ages of five and 14. Around 40 of them took part in the Martial Arts Summer Camp which ran all last week. It was staged at Russ Bowerman's Martial Arts Academy in Tang Hall Lane.

They learnt taijutsu, which is similar to karate, while dreaming up their own Jackie Chan-style spectacular. As well as coming up with the storyline, they made all their own props for the movie (including Dracula pizza boxes: "they're fang-tastic").

Russ shot the movie on a digital camcorder and will edit it on a PC before giving each of the participants a copy.

He described his young stars as "brilliant".

"It's been absolutely fantastic. One or two have really shone. We told all of them, if you put your minds to it there's nothing you can't do."

The Martial Arts Academy runs all year round, teaching kids respect for others and self-discipline along with self defence skills. For more details check out www.martialartsyork.com or ring (01904) 422888.

Meanwhile, Russ is off to phone Hollywood. "I'm going to try to strike a deal," he told the Diary.

WE know it's summer, but come on. A colleague spotted an elderly gentleman slouching round the food section of York Marks & Spencer's last week wearing nothing but shorts and sandals.

Put a shirt on, sir! It's enough to put you off your sushi platter.

YORKSHIRE Euro MP Godfrey Bloom may not be the first person you'd think of if you were looking for a sensitive appreciation of the modern woman.

But Bloomers displays a surprising grasp of the realities of modern marriage.

In between pontificating on metrosexual man for the Evening Press last week ("Women like a bloke to be a bloke. They don't want him smelling like a tart") and career women ("At the end of the day, when a woman gets to a certain age, she wants to make a home and have babies, because that's how God made her") he was asked who wore the trousers in his own marriage.

"My wife," he replied unhesitatingly. "But she makes me think I do.

"We are very easily manipulated. They make us think it is our idea, but at the end of the day we always do what they want us to do."

There speaks a wise man indeed.

Updated: 12:26 Monday, August 22, 2005