SOME people find escape from the harsh realities of life by watching soaps. Others join political parties. I find solace in reading computer-generated mail.

Whereas my family consider me to be unsociable, tight-fisted, cynical and decidedly scruffy, the world of commerce recognises me as debonair, open-handed, credulous and enjoying a playboy lifestyle which lacks nothing more than a unique chance for investment, a supply of unreliable ball-points and rather more than adequate insurance.

According to Powergen, I am shacked up with a married woman who is paying my electricity bills. To quote the Torah: "Chance would be a fine thing!"

William Dixon Smith,

Welland Rise,

Acomb,

York.

Updated: 09:48 Friday, September 02, 2005