Mum tells of drug death baby

The 33-year-old knows her second child could be taken from her after she walked free from court, having admitted manslaughter through gross negligence.

Sadie Milson died in her sleep, aged only 19 months, after drinking some of her mother's methadone in March 2004. It is thought she picked up one of Fiona's bottles from the kitchen table of her grandmother's home in Almond Tree Avenue, Malton, where they were living.

In her first interview since being sentenced to a two-year rehabilitation order, Fiona told the Evening Press she does not know what to expect when her baby is born.

"I desperately want to keep this baby. It would never be a replacement for Sadie. That's not why I am doing this. But being a mother felt so right and so natural."

Fiona, who finds it difficult to look at photos of Sadie, is desperate for people to remember her as "the perfect, happy child" she was, rather than labelling her "a drug addict's daughter".

She said they had moved to High Hutton, near Malton, where she lived as a child, to enjoy family life together in the countryside with their pet dogs, and had hopes of buying Sadie a pony.

Speaking from her home in the village, she said: "Whether they'll let me keep my baby or not, I don't know. I have been allocated a social worker. Hopefully what the judge said in court - that I was obviously a good mother - will help.

"I cried when he said that. He said it was a tragic case. That was the best thing - for someone in authority to actually believe me; that I was a good mother and not just a drug addict who didn't care about my child.

"Even if he had sent me down for a long time I wouldn't have cared. That meant such a lot to me."

She hopes to at least be given a trial period to look after her child.

"I would really welcome that. I would let them move in to watch everything I do. I know I was a good mother apart from that one tragic mistake. I would never let the events build up to let that happen again."

Leeds Crown Court heard Fiona started taking drugs at 19 and subsequently made many attempts to stop, and was starting to get her life in order before Sadie was born.

She and her long-standing boyfriend, Stuart Davidson, have lived in High Hutton for about three years.

They split up while Fiona was studying graphic design in Leeds during which time another man fathered her daughter.

However, the couple got back together and Stuart raised Sadie as his own.

Fiona was on the heroin substitute methadone around the time of Sadie's death to help rid herself of her habit.

But Fiona stressed she had not had any drugs the day before Sadie died, and said there had been no indication that her daughter had drunk any methadone.

"I wish there had been some sign, then I would have known. But she was her usual lively self. She had a bath, then we settled down to go to bed. She didn't suddenly slump or get unnaturally drowsy. I hadn't had any drugs. I was totally aware of things. It was a normal evening for us.

"I wish I knew how she got hold of it; that there had been a sign. I have been living with 'What ifs'. I thought she died of cot death. I remember vaguely phoning the ambulance. It is all a blur. I was in shock.

"I remember going to the hospital. They brought her to me in a Moses basket so I could say goodbye. The doctor prescribed me tranquilisers."

She said she was like "a zombie" over the following days so her father always accompanied her when she took her dogs out for walks.

"I just couldn't function properly. It was still very raw. Then a week after she died I was at my mum's at 9.30am in the morning when the police came and said 'Fiona Milson we are arresting you for murder'. I just collapsed."

Throughout her 12 hours in police custody, Fiona recalled: "The whole time I thought 'They have made a mistake. This can't be happening'. They were really horrible to me in the cells and during questioning. They treated me like dirt. There was no compassion even though I was a grieving mother."

Now, 18 months later and following a harrowing court case, she said: "I accept it was my fault that she died, but I have never been treated like a grieving mother, always a criminal.

"They wouldn't release the body for two months. I just wanted to put her to rest. All the time they had her, no one let me know where the body was or what they were doing.

"I found out from the solicitors they had taken some samples. That was really distressing."

When the family finally held a funeral for Sadie, Fiona's dad painted the coffin pink and they played her favourite song, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, while the mourners each sowed a plant seed in her memory.

Looking back Fiona said: "It has been an extremely tough 18 months. I didn't know if I was going to prison. The thought terrified me, especially with the charge because they would have made my life hell.

I was scared about that and losing my baby."

Her unexpected freedom and pregnancy have given her "a huge incentive" for sorting out her addiction, she said.

Fiona who lives with her long-standing boyfriend admitted: "I am still a bit numb. Court was really traumatic. I had convinced myself I was going to prison so if anything good happened it would be a bonus.

"We were waiting to make plans and buy things for this pregnancy. But it was always a case of let's see what happens. I feel like I have been given another chance."

The couple had always planned to have a second child but when the court proceedings started, Fiona said they thought 'What is the point?'.

However, Fiona fell pregnant and now wants to get through these nine months, knowing she could lose her baby.

"I don't want anyone thinking I got pregnant just to stay out of prison," she said. "I don't think it would have made any difference. I wasn't even going to tell my QC I was pregnant, but had to because I was so sick every day.

"I loved being a mother. It really turned my life around. I loved every second of every day. It was such a joy, never a chore. We were always doing things together. When that was taken away from me I fell apart and there was nothing there. I didn't see the point of living for a while. I didn't see my purpose in life."

Since walking free from Leeds Crown Court last Friday, Fiona has not ventured into Malton.

"People know who I am because of the coverage. Some people condemned me straight away. They know who they are. I haven't had a great deal of support.

"My mum has been wonderful - a tower of strength - as has Stuart's family. And Stuart has stood by me. I couldn't have done it without him.

"He might not have been Sadie's biological father, but he was her daddy and lost a daughter as well. He has been as distressed as I have."

Responsibility will impinge on her heart till she dies

THE drug addict mother whose daughter died of a methadone overdose walked free from court after admitting manslaughter by gross negligence.

Tragic mum Fiona Milson, 33, who is pregnant with another child, told the court she would never forgive herself, for the loss of 19-month-old Sadie.

Milson told police she used to keep her methadone out of reach. But on March 10, 2004, she was staying at the family home at Almond Tree Avenue, Malton, and left her drugs on the kitchen table because there was no suitable cupboard.

It is believed that Sadie picked up one of Milson's bottles from the table that night. She died in her sleep and was pronounced dead the following morning. A post mortem found traces of methadone in her body.

In a letter to the court, Milson wrote: "I will never forgive myself for being so stupid and irresponsible for letting her come into contact with my medication. I know I'm responsible for her death.

"I loved my daughter. I made one tragic mistake and I will live with this for the rest of my life."

She was sentenced to a two-year community rehabilitation order at Leeds Crown Court.

Judge Norman Jones QC accepted Milson had not knowingly administered drugs to her daughter and said: "The responsibility for what you did is going to impinge on your heart until the day you die. That is the greatest punishment you will suffer."

Will she keep her new baby?

A DECISION on whether Fiona Milson will be allowed to keep her second child is expected to be made before she gives birth, it was revealed today.

Social services, police and health chiefs are investigating the death of her 19-month-old daughter, Sadie Milson, and will also consider the future of her unborn baby.

The North Yorkshire Area Child Protection Committee launched the review after Sadie died in her sleep following a fatal overdose of the heroin substitute methadone in March 2004.

Her mum, Fiona Milson, 33, of High Hutton, near Malton, was sentenced to a two-year rehabilitation order at Leeds Crown Court on Friday after admitting manslaughter through gross negligence.

Judge Norman Jones QC said her greatest punishment would be knowing she had caused her daughter's death.

"The responsibility for what you did is going to impinge on your heart until the day you die," he said.

The court heard there was the possibility Milson would not be allowed to keep her baby, which is due in February.

The ACPC committee comprises members of the police, North Yorkshire County Council social services, the Scarborough, Whitby and Ryedale Primary Care Trust and the local education authority.

It is yet to announce the results of its Part 8 review - an investigation which examines the roles of all authorities after a "sudden infant death".

A spokesman said today that Friday's judgement would enable the ACPC to complete its review of the case and that the findings would be published "as soon as possible".

He said a decision on the baby's future was expected to be made before he or she was born.

"The judgement was made on Friday and that now forms part of the overall review. They have to take all that into account," said the spokesman, adding that Judge Jones's comments would also be considered.

Following Fiona Milson's sentence the ACPC chairman Derek Law said: "The ACPC's responsibility is to ensure that any lessons learned from such a tragic death as Sadie's are identified and turned into actions for the protection of other children in North Yorkshire."

Michael Whitworth, chief executive of the Scarborough, Whitby and Ryedale Primary Care Trust, said the ACPC had to follow a certain procedure which was taking place.

How long each Part 8 review took varied, but he said it considered what when wrong, if anything, and what lessons could be learnt.

Updated: 08:39 Friday, September 02, 2005