"If somebody is qualified to do the job, it doesn't matter whether they went to Wakefield Poly or Ox

NEV Johnson doesn't sound like a James Bond. He has a cheery, vaguely working class accent rather than Bond's clipped, public schoolboy tones. And he's called Nev, for God's sake.

It just doesn't work. "The name's Johnson. Nev Johnson."

Nevertheless, Nev is the official spokesman for Her Majesty's Secret Intelligence Service or SIS - MI6 to you and me.

I contacted him because James Bond's old outfit has just launched its own website, a relentlessly PC affair designed, partly at least, to boost recruitment. I wanted to find out more.

The site has a careers page which outlines some of the qualities MI6 seeks in an agent.

"We want people with an international outlook, interests and experience, who are adaptable, resourceful and flexible," it says.

"We need people who thrive on challenge, who want to be in the front-line of intelligence work as well as those who would prefer to play the vital supporting roles, administrative and technical, on which successful intelligence operations depend."

Applicants are promised plenty of foreign travel - and while the site admits the "glamour and excitement" of the James Bond films may be a departure from reality, "staff who join SIS can look forward to a career that will have moments when the gap between truth and fiction narrows just a little, and the certainty of a stimulating and rewarding career which, like Bond's, will be in the service of their country".

There's a nice little flourish to finish with. "Whether you feel that your strengths could lead you towards operations, intelligence analysis, management, data handling or security, whether you have the skills to design high tech gadgets or to deploy them in a hostile environment, SIS may have the career for you."

I have always thought I had the makings of a good spy. Dashingly handsome, of course. Reckless and daring in just the right measure. Incisive, intelligent, observant and adaptable, and with a great nose for sniffing out a lead or a fake.

It must have been that which made me a little suspicious of Nev when I asked him if he would give me a job.

Something about him seemed just a little too good to be true. He must be a cover, I thought - an MI6 construct designed to convince prying journalists that the spy organisation has joined the 21st century.

I had already noticed, on the website's careers page, a line stressing that "The Service welcomes applications from all parts of the community." Cheery working class Nev would be an ideal advertisement - talking proof that the spy organisation has become all equal opportunities and inclusiveness, and that agents are no longer all public school types recruited by means of a discreet tap on the shoulder.

What made me even more suspicious was that it was so ridiculously easy to track him down. One quick phone call (don't ask - a journalist has to protect his sources) and a contact had provided me with his name and a telephone number. Obviously a set-up.

Nev remained remarkably affable when I accused him of not being a real person, however. He really was himself, he assured me - although strictly speaking he wasn't part of MI6. "I'm the Foreign and Commonwealth Office spokesman who speaks on behalf of the SIS," he said.

Ah, so that was it. Not a spook at all, but a Foreign Office spin-doctor.

Struggling to overcome my disappointment, I questioned him further. What on earth, I asked, was one of the world's most secretive spy organisations doing, launching its own website? Was it really so short of staff that it felt the need to recruit in this way?

There wasn't exactly a shortage, Nev said. Certainly SIS wanted to widen the net of possible recruits - but the main reason for launching the site was to let people know (as far as they could be allowed to know, given the secret nature of the organisation's work) just what SIS does.

It was also hoped the website would help dispel some of the myths and media fabrications about the organisation.

Such as? "A classic example is all the crap put out by certain organisations about Princess Diana. People start to believe it if it is repeated often enough."

So: MI6 doesn't do conspiracies. Hope you're all clear on that one.

And what about recruitment? Yes, that was part of the reason for the website, Nev admitted. The aim was to try to attract a more diverse range of applicants. "So, don't wait to be tapped on the shoulder," he said. "If you think you're good enough, apply. If somebody is qualified to do the job, it doesn't matter whether they went to Wakefield Poly or Oxford. It is the ability to do the job that counts, not necessarily the background."

Here was my big chance. "Um," I said. "I went to Manchester University. Would that do?"

Nev remained non-committal - until I let slip that I had lived in China for four years and spoke reasonably fluent Mandarin Chinese.

I could almost hear him perk up down the telephone line. "That could be an advantage," he said. "On the other hand, your capabilities might lead you in a different direction. You might be a whiz kid with IT."

Er, no, actually, Nev. Still, now wasn't the time to be admitting things like that. "So what should I do next?" I asked.

"Send in your CV. Everybody will get a reply, whether it's positive or negative." And then? "The next stage would be probably to call you in for an interview, speak to you, find out more about you."

If I were to be selected, I would have to go through a rigorous vetting procedure. Don't try to fabricate anything on your CV, and don't try to hide anything at the interview - youthful indiscretions with banned substances, for example - because you will be found out, he advised. MI6 wasn't for liars.

But I thought being a spy was all about the art of deception? The ability to "apply deception in a professional capacity" was one thing, Nev told me sternly. Lying on an application form was another.

One final question. I tend to be a bit shy and bashful when it comes to the girls. We all know about James Bond. How important was the ability to practice the art of seduction for a modern spy?

"It's not a pre-requisite," said Nev. He paused for a moment. "It depends on who is the target."

I think I'll send in my application tonight.

How to apply to be a spy

Before you apply for any job you need to know what the employer does. So here is SIS in its own words:

"As Britain's secret service, SIS provides the British Government with a global covert capability to promote and defend the national security and economic well-being of the United Kingdom.

"SIS operates world-wide to collect secret foreign intelligence in support of the British Government's policies and objectives.

"Regional instability, terrorism, the proliferation of weapons of mass destruiction and illegal narcotics are among the major challenges."

If you decide that is the career for you - and there is no bar on age, sex or ethnic background - applying could not be easier. First check out the range of career oiptions described on MI6's new website - www.MI6.gov.uk - launched yesterday. They include intelligence officers based overseas, scientific and technical posts for those who would rather be a Q than a Bond, as well as boring admin jobs based in the UK.

Then simply send your CV, with a covering letter, to Careers Department, PO Box 1301, London SE1 5UD, explaining which of the various MI6 career options you're interested in. Just don't tell your neighbours - it all has to be kept very hush hush.

Updated: 09:57 Friday, October 14, 2005