NOW we've smelled everything. Fashion designers, models, pop stars - everyone brings out their own fragrance these days. But a football club?

Final proof that modern players are a nothing but a bunch of sweet-smelling sissies who get more kicks at the cosmetic counter than on the pitch arrives with news that Arsenal has become the first club to have a perfume created in its honour.

Perhaps this was the logical next step. After twice gifting the league to London rivals Chelsea, the team are known for bottling it. Now a fan has captured the essence of second place and bottled that.

To commemorate the founding date of the Highbury club, it is called Arsenal 1886 Cologne. Brave branding, as the first syllable is not normally associated with heavenly scents. At 80 per cent alcohol, perhaps it would have been better named Tony Adams 1990.

The perfume is said to be a "blend of spicy and exotic aromas" but we have not dared to open the sample bottle for fear it is as pungent as Sol Campbell's post-match jockstrap.

MIND you, York City are in need of a good marketing idea. What about a range of colognes for the Minsterman about town?

We are sure that a scent named after the team's midfield dynamo would be a roaring success with City's more urbane supporters...

"Mmm, what's that you're wearing, Jeremy?"

"Just a little dab of Emmanuel Panther, darling."

"Grrr..."

For the more down-to-earth fan, a sharp blast of Billy (a heady perfume, if a little overpowering) would bring instant results. Red Hotte, named after skipper Mark Hotte, might prove a hit in Micklegate.

And if you needed a little help scoring, there's... er...

We'll get back to you on that one.

ON this day five years ago, we reported that City of York Council had given the go-ahead to the £60 million Coppergate Riverside development.

This monstrous over-development was thrown out by a Government inspector after a public inquiry.

Just mentioned this to raise the spirits of all those battling against Derwenthorpe, Germany Beck, Heslington East, the Barbican...

THANK you to Betty Hamilton, of Strensall. Our item revealing how one York family named all their children after plants prompted her to drop us a line.

"My grandfather was a head gardener," she writes, "and his daughters were called Poppy, Rose, Violet, Lily and Sally."

THE new Archbishop of York, Dr John Sentamu, hit the headlines recently by telling us to celebrate Englishness.

So should we read something into the fact that the Primate of England is being enthroned today - St Andrew's Day, patron saint of Scotland?

The Diary sends His Grace our very best wishes. If he is looking for a role model among his predecessors, we would respectfully suggest Archbishop Harcourt, who was the man in the mitre for 40 years in the 19th century.

It is not to be expected that Dr Sentamu produces 16 children, like Harcourt and his wife Lady Anne. But if he revived Harcourt's habit of handing out free beer to those passing by the palace, it would certainly boost Bishopthorpe's tourist trade...

Updated: 08:43 Wednesday, November 30, 2005