ONCE a newspaper column was just that: a vertical stack of words running from the top to the bottom of the page.
The columns in this newspaper used to be arranged that way. Nowadays the type is ordered differently and marches across the page. Under the old arrangement, it was possible to imagine the writer peeping out from behind the column, as if looking round a column of stone, rather than words.
While the single column has gone, the old idea still works, with the columnist offering glimpses of himself or herself, or sometimes devoting the whole exercise to themselves, in the hope of making a link with readers.
Sometimes a columnist will discuss the difficulties of writing a column, exposing what goes on beneath, like a mechanic with the bonnet up.
Having written more than a few, I have tried on most types for size. Mostly, to this writer at least, a column should be about something: big or small, there should be a subject there, a bit of grit, a fleck of controversy.
Certain subjects will be returned to as opinion gravitates that way. This week, and not for the first time, I have been struck by political correctness. This is a shame because I don't even like to write those words, so over-used and hackneyed have they become.
Still, here we are - political correctness, what a lot of it there is. Just saying this will get certain readers on my side and set heads nodding. Those nods may soon turn to shakes, because it is not political correctness itself which exercises me, but rather our unhinged obsession with it.
How smitten we are with the way political correctness - sorry, make that the scourge of political correctness - is ruining our lives. The latest example of this obsession comes in a report from Civitas, a think tank which describes itself as independent, but tends to distribute opinions from the right.
This report, entitled The Retreat Of Reason, suggests that PC ways are "ruining the fabric of society" and "poisoning the wells of debate in modern Britain".
According to the report's author, Anthony Browne, "In the topsy-turvy politically correct world, truth comes in two forms: the politically correct, and the factually correct."
There are some interesting ideas here but, first, it is worth recapping what is meant by political correctness. Basically, it is the reshaping of language in an attempt to avoid causing offence. Treated sensibly, it is a more or less humane way of carrying on; carried to extremes, it can become ridiculous.
But nowhere near as ridiculous as the fuss made by those who believe that political correctness is running rampant.
Enter Mr Browne, who believes that since 1997 Britain has been ruled by political correctness for the first time, thanks to what he sees as Tony Blair's eagerness to bow to PC ways. Like others of his ilk, Mr Browne spots a PC conspiracy wherever he looks, yet his own methods are open to question.
For a start, there is his distinction between the politically correct and the factually correct. PC bashers, including national newspapers such as the Daily Express, seek out "facts" which support their theories about PC madness - only these facts are never what they seem, and often turn out to be urban myths of the "council bans Christmas" variety.
On closer inspection, it usually emerges that the council being pilloried has done no such thing, but rather the PC haters have knowingly grabbed hold of the wrong end of the stick and waved it in the air.
It is what should be known as the "straight banana syndrome", in honour of all those nonsense stories stirred up by Europe-haters about the banning of curved bananas, and so forth.
So the well of debate, if such a place exists, has had plenty of poison tipped into it by the PC haters themselves.
To conclude, before hiding back behind my column of words, it is worth remembering this: those who berate political correctness largely do so because they were happier being able to discriminate at will, and insult whoever they liked.
Updated: 09:04 Thursday, January 05, 2006
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