NEVER having tied the knot myself, I have often wondered how couples feel when sitting down to draw up their wedding list.

Is there no embarrassment, no blush of shame as they browse the departments of their favourite store and prepare to get their home kitted out in style?

There's no need for guilt if you are leaving the parental home for the first time on your wedding-day and must feather your marital love-nest from scratch.

But how many couples are doing that today? It must be decades since most young girls used their bottom drawer for anything but jumpers, and the word trousseau is just about as old-fashioned as "living over t'brush" - my grandma's expression for people who live together without a piece of paper granting them the requisite permission.

I've no objection to marking the occasion of someone's wedding by buying the happy couple a celebration gift of my choice - in fact, it's a pleasure - and I reluctantly concede it must be frustrating to get three toasters at one sitting.

But it's always seemed to me to be a bit of a cheek when couples who have been shacked up together for years turn round and ask you to chip in for a new set of cutlery or, cheekier yet, a new three-piece suite for the pleasure of watching them walk up the aisle in a morning suit and an off-white frock.

Thankfully, none of my friends have so far turned round and asked me to shell out for a skateboard or swimming goggles as suitable wedding gifts; but this can only be a matter of time.

According to department store John Lewis, brides and grooms are abandoning all pretence of home-making and have started to ask for items such as skateboards, air hockey tables and body fat monitors as suitable wedding gifts.

Injecting a touch of realism to the proceedings, there have even been requests for punch-bags and sparring gloves to be added to the modern wedding list.

Am I the only person who wonders where people find the gall to ask for these things? All right, wedding-guests get a free meal and a knees-up if they're lucky, but these days they've probably also shelled out a fortune on the hen night in Barcelona, the new posh frock and the night in a hotel to follow the evening do.

There could be a smidgen of sour grapes in my attitude, given that me and my other half are unlikely to make an honest couple of one another in our current incarnations. It does seem to be one-way traffic unless you're prepared to get hitched yourself - and who needs all THAT bother and expense?

MY thanks to Heather Causnett for her kind response to last week's column, about a survey showing 95 per cent of women would rather have a slimmer figure than be more intelligent than they are.

I absolutely agree with Heather when she says the most important blessing in life is luck. If fortune smiles on you, how can you fail to have ample brains and beauty into the bargain?

But if Lady Luck has passed you by, I suppose the next best gift is application, in order to shed your excess weight and sharpen up your mental skills.

Back to the gym it is, then, after another stab at Sudoku.

Updated: 08:42 Wednesday, January 18, 2006