Tanya and the tearaways

WHEN you are a TV psychologist who specialises in transforming little devils into little angels every week, you put your reputation on the line every time you take your own kids shopping.

"Some people have the bizarre expectation that my own children will be perfect," said Dr Tanya Byron, who was giving a public lecture at the University of York this afternoon. "This expectation is completely bonkers.

"I'm the same as everyone else. I don't raise my children as a psychologist, that would really screw them up. I'm just their mum.

"To be honest, I don't get approached very much though. People are usually too busy staring at my husband."

Her husband, Bruce, plays long-running character Det Con Terry Perkins in The Bill, making him an even more familiar face to TV audiences than his high-profile wife.

Tanya has fond memories of North Yorkshire. She studied psychology at York University and her parents, a TV and film director and a model/nursing sister, moved north to Bubwith while she was studying here to set up Arts International, a training centre for actors (such as Bruce, a former client) and directors.

"My sister is a TV director and I always liked the idea of working in television but I never had any desire to be an actor," said Tanya. "I got here by quiet a circuitous route in the end though."

She first caught the eye of a BBC researcher when she did a couple of on-screen pieces for a programme about Adam Ant's struggle with mental health problems. They met for coffee to talk about a new series the corporation was putting together for BBC3.

"I have spent a lot of time on film sets and in TV studios with my parents so I didn't feel particularly intimidated when the cameras turned on me," said Tanya. "I was well aware of how the process worked. It was still very daunting though. But I genuinely thought the programme could be educational and help to de-stigmatise family problems. That made it easier."

Ethical questions will always hang over TV shows that involve families in crisis, but Tanya believes the BBC gets it right by allowing her to choose the families that take part, so "entertainment value" is not part of the equation, and to have a say on the final cut.

She is less convinced, however, that other programmes get this ethical balance right.

"With some programmes, I would question how robust their ethics are," she said, diplomatically avoiding naming names. "Psychology is very popular on TV, but I look at some of the people who are being used to comment and wonder if they are qualified to do so."

She also casts aside criticism of the families who take part. While some believe they are desperate for their 15 minutes of fame, she believes they are simply desperate for help.

"I can think of a lot easier ways of getting on TV," she said. "I think it's very brave of these families to admit their mistakes on television.

"My job is to help them, not to provide entertainment. My responsibility is not to the producer, it's to the families."

But she also has a responsibility to her own family. Filming a series of House Of Tiny Tearaways takes six solid weeks of 16-hour days. This means she has to rely on her mother, who lives with Tanya after losing her husband last year, her mother-in-law and friends to help care for her own children, Lily, ten, and seven-year-old Jack.

"I'm very lucky to have such a strong support system," she said. "Especially when I see so many parents coping alone without any extended family to lean on.

"You have to recognise that the pressures on modern parents are immense. It's unbelievably competitive. People refuse to admit that their children misbehave because they think it's like announcing their own failure."

Tanya is hoping to spend more time with her own children by concentrating on writing for a while. She brought out two books last year - "what was I thinking; that was madness" - and is hoping to publish another this year. She writes a regular column for The Times and is also working with Jennifer Saunders, who she met while doing a cameo on the French & Saunders Christmas show, on an exciting new prospect for the BBC.

"It covers both our fields, comedy and psychology," she said, with obvious enthusiasm. "It's at an early stage, but it's very exciting."

She does not intend to leave practical psychology behind. Whatever happens, she is determined to continue helping families through their crises.

"Primarily, I am a clinician," said Tanya. "If the TV stuff stopped tomorrow or if I chose to stop it, I would still continue to treat people. The day my work stops being about helping people is the day I get out."

There seems little chance of that. With programmes such as Supernanny, Teenagers From Hell, Brat Camp and her own House Of Tiny Tearaways cropping up on an almost weekly basis, it seems we can't get enough of children behaving badly. So, where are parents going wrong?

"They seem incapable of saying no," said Tanya. "They opt for the easy life, but it's only easy in the short term. Kids have to learn what rage is and how to deal with it. If they don't learn to manage their rage in childhood, God help you when they're older."

She believes her programmes can have a positive effect by showing parents that it is okay to make mistakes, to shout and to occasionally lose control. But they can also be negatively misconstrued.

"These kind of programmes can feed parental neuroses," she said. "I know there are some parents who think they literally have to raise their children by the book - my book. This is unrealistic and stops essential spontaneous parenting.

"Parents make mistakes, and it's important for our children to see us making mistakes and then saying sorry. It's the only way they will learn."

Dr Tanya Byron is guest lecturer in the psychology department at the University of York at 4.30pm today. The lecture is open to the public, but places are limited.

Updated: 10:43 Tuesday, January 31, 2006