Birth pangs

UNTIL today, television's face of fertility boasted a Groucho Marx moustache sprouting beneath an outsize nose.

Move over Lord Winston, there's a new fertility doc in town. Granted, Patrick Stowe is not real, but he is played by Trevor Eve who would set many a female patient's pulse racing.

Stowe is the pivotal character in the new series The Family Man, which begins tonight. He is a charismatic fertility expert who can make dreams come true. But how will the passionate and principled Stowe's involvement affect the lives of four couples, each desperate for his help to have a baby?

Making the series had a profound affect on Trevor Eve. "To experience, in my research, people's agonies and desperation over their inability to conceive naturally, I found that extraordinary," he said.

These real-life dramas are more heart-rending and as miraculous as anything that could come from a scriptwriter's imagination. We asked two local couples for their experiences, while a fertility expert assesses the strains treatment can place on individuals.

Jo Barrett and Nick Reynolds

SIX years in the making, Kacey Reynolds is now four months old and "she's the best thing," says mum Jo Barrett. "We still have to pinch ourselves. We can't believe we have finally got her."

Returning from a backpacking holiday abroad, Jo and her partner Nick Reynolds decided to start a family in 2000.

"We tried for a couple of years. I never worried at first: it will happen, it will happen.

"Then I had a really horrendous period. I had really bad pains. I knew then that there was something not quite right."

Hospital tests followed and the results weren't good. "They found out I had endometriosis and a blocked tube," said Jo. Endometriosis, a condition affecting the inner lining of the womb, can cause infertility.

"It was absolutely the worst day. I remember when I came out of the operation saying to Nick, 'oh my God, I can't believe I have got this and a blocked tube. We'll never be able to have a baby'."

IVF was recommended. The couple knew little about it but thanks to the support of a wonderful GP, Dr Sadia Muhammed from the Priory Medical Group, and a trained counsellor, they learned about the procedures, the possible emotional cost and the success rates. They were allowed one IVF cycle on the NHS, but there was a two-year wait. So they paid to go private in the meantime. The hardest part was waiting to see if the treatment had worked.

"The first time, I don't know why, we thought it had worked," said Jo, who lives in Nether Poppleton, York. "I was even sick on the morning of the test results - I was convinced it was morning sickness.

"Your mind plays awful tricks."

The attempt had failed; she wasn't pregnant. "You are gutted. You feel your body has let you down."

They paid for another cycle, taking their bill to near £6,000 - they postponed their wedding to find the money. Again it didn't work.

By this time, they had reached the top of the NHS queue. There was hardly any difference between the NHS treatment and going private. In both cases, the venue was Leeds General Infimary.

Just as she was convinced the first try had worked, Jo felt sure it was a case of third time unlucky. She was wrong again. Kacey Alice was born on November 27, nine days early.

"She's daddy's double, absolutely beautiful," said mum.

Having Kacey may have improved Jo's fertility, and there is a chance she could now conceive naturally. They are going to try, then give IVF another go. Jo will be 38 next month.

She has this message to anyone who might have just discovered they have fertility problems. "If you have a strong relationship, which we have, that's so important.

"You have got to be so together. If you are, you can get through it."

Ann and Jason O'Rourke, of Pocklington

MONDAY will be a special day for this family. But first we should travel back five years to the start of their story.

"I always suspected I had fertility problems but I didn't know for definite until 2001, just after I married Jason," said Ann, 35.

It was an extremely painful realisation. "As soon as we got married people started asking us when we were going to start a family. It always left me in bits."

Soon after they had moved to Pocklington in 2004, they began IVF treatment at Hull. The staff were wonderful, but the treatment was tough. Daily injections, an induced menopause and mood swings are all part of it. Then the eggs were collected for an attempted fertilisation in the lab, before being re-implanted in Ann's body.

"Waiting to do that first pregnancy test is absolute torture. You can't think of anything else," she said. "Every stomach cramp means it's failing. Every woman you see is either pregnant or has a baby."

The procedure has an average success rate of only 15 per cent, so the news that she had become pregnant at the first attempt was little short of a miracle.

"I didn't quite believe it until we went for a scan. I couldn't believe we had been lucky enough to hit the jackpot the first time round. Then I saw that little jelly bean on the screen and it all became real."

Jack Oliver was born on January 31, 2005. Exactly a year later, Ann and Jason decided they wanted to try IVF again, and, wonderfully, she is pregnant again.

They decided she should have two eggs implanted. "We had two with Jack and one failed, so we thought it was worth the risk of having twins.

"We'll get to know on Monday whether we are having one baby or two. To be honest, we'd prefer just one. But if we end up with two, so be it.

"I'm trying to get my head around the idea of twins. I've been looking at double buggies and we've already started planning an extension to the house."

Despite their double success the treatment is tough, physically and emotionally. "It puts a strain on your relationship too. I don't know how Jason put up with me when I was on the fertility drugs. I was a complete bitch from hell."

Nevertheless, they realise how blessed they have been. "We hit the jackpot first time and we could afford to pay for the treatment ourselves," said Ann. "If you are in the NHS queue, you have to wait for at least 18 months and then you only get one shot. It's just not fair.

"If people want a family, they should be given a realistic chance."

The fertility expert

EVERYONE assumes they are fertile. And when someone finds out they're not, it may take them years to come to terms with the shock, says Marilyn Crawshaw.

An expert on how fertility problems affect people, the York University lecturer has counselled many affected individuals and couples.

There is no straightforward path for an infertile person or couple to take once they have their diagnosis.

"One of the things - and I hope the TV programme will bring this out - is that they have had no practice at what are the most appropriate steps to take."

Couples are presented with an array of hi-tech treatments and must first decide whether to go ahead with any of them.

Then "there are all sorts of difficult things to work out once you are in the treatment," says Marilyn, pictured. Patients must find their way through "emotional and ethical complexities".

"All sorts of things get in the way to make them even more difficult. There's still a stigma attached when people find they are not able to conceive, even though it's more acceptable and people are more familiar with it recently."

She hopes The Family Man will help further people's understanding.

People underestimate the stress both infertility and its treatments can cause. "Like lots of things when you are coping with adversity, people can come through it stronger but along the way they can feel extremely fragile.

"Sometimes it can draw a couple closer together. Sometimes it can feel like it's a wedge that comes between you."

For couples with fertility problems, roughly a third of cases are down to the woman, a third to the men, and a third are unexplained. The knowledge that the fertile partner could have had a child with someone else provokes feelings of guilt and confusion.

Those who opt for treatment involving donated eggs or sperm have even more complicated moral issues to think about.

Counselling is available, but the service varies around the country, just like the availability of treatment itself, Marilyn says. North Yorkshire is uniquely fortunate to have the services of a sub-fertility nurse counsellor, Sue Redshaw. She offers advice every step of the way, before, during and after treatment.

Marilyn, who has active roles with the Human Fertilisation And Embryology Authority and the British Infertility Counselling Association, would advise anyone affected by these issues not to rush to a decision.

"I know that if you decide you want a family, you don't want it to take too long before it happens.

"But you have a lifetime to live with the consequences of what you decide.

"Be well informed. Inform yourself as well as you can and don't be afraid to ask questions.

"It's your life, nobody else's."

And for those who have tried unsuccessfully to conceive, sometimes the right decision is to end treatment and come to the understanding "that their life can still have meaning".

The Family Man, BBC1, 9pm, March 23

Updated: 10:43 Thursday, March 23, 2006