WELL that’s the calculation made by boffins after a game of number crunching.

Quantitative analysts at JP Morgan used information such as FIFA ranking, historical results and its JP Morgan Team Strength Indicator to come up with a mathematical model to predict match results, reports Reuters.

And they’ve deduced that England will once again pick up the Jules Rimet trophy – after 44 years of hurt. The World Cup begins next month; England last won it in 1966.

According to the mathematical model, European champions Spain will be runners-up, the Netherlands will win the third place play-off and number one team Brazil will fall short because of a tougher route through to the final than their main rivals.

But before you get out the bunting, the analysts urge caution. They warned “this report should be taken with a pinch of salt” and that it is an exercise to “light-heartedly explain quantitative techniques and demystify the typical quant framework.”

In the latest official FIFA rankings, England were in eighth position and Spain were second.

Let ‘em fly the flag

ENGLAND flags are on display again in a Nottingham street – after being cut down by council bosses in a health and safety row.

And a council leader is to say sorry to a pensioner after her flags of St George were cut down and dumped in a hedge, reports The Mail.

Doreen Carnelley, 74, said she had put the full-sized flags across Sturgeon Avenue, Nottingham, to mark the World Cup.

The city council cut the rope and left the flags on her hedge. Officers said it was illegal to attach items to street lights and complaints were made.

Now council leader Jon Collins has said it was an “error of judgement”. Previously, the council had said the flags were a health and safety hazard and could be dangerous to motorists.

But now Mr Collins has said they will be put back up and promised to visit Mrs Carnelley to apologise in person later.

Mrs Carnelley claimed she had flown the flags across Nottingham during the last six World Cups and European football finals.

Pampered pets at Paignton Zoo

AROMATHERAPY is being used on animals at a Devon zoo to keep them happy in captivity.

Zoo keepers are pampering lions and monkeys with aromatherapy in a trial project aimed at stimulating their minds and bodies, reports the Telegraph.

Experts claim that big cats respond best to the alternative therapies. Among the beneficiaries of the scheme are Indu the lioness and Misha the tapir, who particularly enjoys having her back rubbed with almond oil.

The ointments are also being used for medicinal purposes, with primates and pigs being treated for dry skin with almond oil and water.

To prevent other animals feeling left out, the zoo is also trialling popcorn as a snack treat for its meerkats.

The zoo also uses wind chimes and background music for its residents.

Blow up over missing mustard

TWO Florida women threatened fast-food workers with a Taser when mayo and mustard sachets were missing in their take-outs.

The alleged incident took place at the drive-through window at Wendy’s in Daytona Beach, Florida, when Melanese Reid and Katrina Bryant exploded after discovering they did not get the mustard and mayonnaise packets they requested with their order.

After swearing at staff, police say Reid chased one drive-through employee through the kitchen armed with a stun gun that was turned on and making “electronic” noises, reports news.com.au.

Police arrested the pair and, during a search of their purses, officers said they found a pink stun gun.

Reid told police she was in fear for her life during her argument with the Wendy’s worker.

Reid faces a charge of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. Bryant is accused of being a principal to aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.

‘Workers’ stage strip tease

COMMUTERS must have thought they were dreaming when four naked people travelled on the London Underground – with just their briefcases to protect their modesty Passengers on the London Underground were visibly shocked to see the men and women riding the escalator and Tube without clothes, reports The Mail.

The foursome, naked bar their handbags and briefcases, attracted stares and gasps – but didn’t flinch.

It was all part of a publicity stunt to promote a new TV series, The Naked Office, that shows workers at struggling companies turning their businesses around.

Wonder if Jamie Oliver – the original Naked Chef – pops in to cook them lunch.

Opera gone to the dogs

TOURISTS visiting Sydney could well be wondering who let the dogs out when visiting the city’s iconic Opera House.

For one day only, pooches will turn the Opera House into the world’s fanciest kennel for a one-off concert of music for dogs, reports News.com.au.

The 20-minute outdoor show will take place in the northern foyer of the Opera House and will feature music composed in a pitch that only canines can hear.

Perhaps something from Woofgang Amadeus Mozart or JS Bark?