A regular applicant marched up to the counter in the local welfare office, and said, 'I hate drawing benefits. I'd rather have a job any day.'

The social worker said, 'You couldn't have timed it better. We just got a job in from a wealthy old man. He wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his daughter. You'd have to drive her around in his 2010 Mercedes-Benz CL. He would supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'd also have to escort her on her overseas holiday trips'.

'This is rather awkward to say, but you would also have, as part of your job, to satisfy her sexual urges. She is beautiful, in her mid-20s and has a rather strong sex drive. A two-bedroom loft type apartment with plasma TV, stereo, bar, etc, located above the garage, will be for your sole use and the salary is £200,000 a year. You look like the man he's looking for.'

The applicant says 'You're kiddin me!'

'You started it', said the social worker, 'now stop wasting my time and fill in the form please!'.