Christmas wishes for the year ahead

THE WISH-LIST OF RICHARD CATTON

I WANT to see the council get rid of THAT cycle lane. You know the one I’m talking about, the one which has caused gridlock at Clifton Green and Water Lane.

Look, I know that as a council it’s hard for you to admit you were wrong and you don’t want to be seen to be wasting our council tax on reversing a scheme which has barely been in place in a year, so here’s the solution to suit everyone: Start work today on returning the second car lane and you could get it done while everyone is on holiday over Christmas.

In return, the beleaguered motorists of York will just pretend it was never there in the first place. We’ll just look the other way and won’t say a thing. A gentlemen’s agreement, if you will. We can all pretend it was a bad dream.

Oh, there might be the odd teensy-weensy front page in The Press about it and a letter or two from Peddling Paul, but it will all be chip wrapper come early January. So come on Mr Waller, tear down that cycle lane.

IN 2011 it would also be nice to know the identity of the person who sends my colleagues and I photocopies of our stories covered in red pen, pointing out our grammatical gaffes.

I demand, sir or madam, that you reveal yourself – you know who you are. I admit you are quite often correct (and were quite justified in your anger at my use of the word “freezed”.

I don’t even remember writing it, honestly, and how did it get past the subs anyway?) But I question your accusation that my colleague Dan Bean incorrectly used the word “disinterested”.

We both think it was used in context and we demand to put our argument to you. Reveal yourself, or forever lay down that accursed red pen. In fact I think I mite have just thort of a way to lure you out...

STOP moaning about pigeons, everyone. Here’s an amusing game you could try over Christmas – just mention pigeons to someone and see how long it is before they use the phrase “flying rats”.

Someone invented the term about 15 years ago and now everyone uses it to justify their new-found hatred of this maligned branch of birdhood.

So to those who call for anti-pigeon machine gun placements in Kings Square, I ask you this: can you tell me the last time your life was inconvenienced in the slightest by a pigeon?

If you want to hate something, hate a banker. It is their actions which have truly inconvenienced the lives of millions in this country.

THE WISH-LIST OF ANDREW HITCHON

Wouldn’t it be nice if a civic improvement scheme was put forward for York that made a difference to the city but was sufficiently modest in scope to be achievable within a reasonable amount of time?

However, instead of being decided on by our political leaders or a committee of the great and good, why not find out what residents would like to see, maybe through some sort of vote, and use the momentum generated by the poll to keep ordinary people involved in the progress of the scheme?

That way we might get something done within our lifetimes that local folk actually care about.

LET'S gently suggest to supermarket till operators that they could drop the “do you want any help with your packing?” line when faced with a customer who only has three items, one of which is a packet of Polos.

WE'RE looking forward to the imminent establishment of a new group dedicated to the interests of pedestrians in York.

It would point how environmentally friendly and healthy the walking habit is, and also stick up for our city’s humble “foot soldiers” on such issues as transport planning, ensuring, for example, that none of our already narrow footways are taken away and handed to users of other travel methods – not that anything like that would ever happen in a progressively minded city such as this.

There should be a high-profile figure appointed as “walking champion”, and since the words “walk” and “York” more or less rhyme, it shouldn’t be too difficult to come up with a snappy, alliterative name for the organisation.

PERHAPS Nestlé could be prevailed upon to produced a new flagship, chocolate-box style product that is specifically produced in York.

We could all patriotically scoff the said product, and give it as presents to relatives, all the while making the excuse that we’re backing our home city while indulging our collective sweet tooth.

A MAJOR boon for 2011 would be to tone the blame culture down a bit.

Obviously it’s important to hold officials, ministers and the like to account, but do we really need every newsreader on TV to morph into Jeremy Paxman when grilling some hapless spokesman over the most minor glitch in our public life?

Also, politicians should be reminded that if you call on your opponents to resign on even the most petty issue (a habit that seems to have spread into York’s council chamber), you ensure such calls are devalued and have less impact when they’re made about something really serious.

A BIG prize to whoever invents a means to deter motorists from driving far too close to the vehicle in front, especially in bad weather.

It’s bad enough in fog or when rain is sheeting down, but the behaviour of some drivers in the recent ice and snow really takes the biscuit. Haven’t they heard such conditions can affect your stopping distance?

Strangest of all are those who drive right up to the vehicle in front, but then don’t take the opportunity to overtake when it’s safe to do so.

Do they feel more secure in another car’s tyre track or just feel the need for company? Let’s teach them to give other drivers a bit of respect – and space.