IF THERE’S a problem in the land, get someone off the television to sort it out. That seems to be the populist habit adopted by our leaders.

And as David Cameron is unafraid to grab a gimmick by its glittering ankles, he is at it too.

Apparently, the Prime Minister has appointed Mary ‘Queen Of Shops’ Portas to sort out the High Street, which is in the doldrums and must therefore need a visit from the slightly scary red-head known for her no-nonsense TV shows.

Well, like much else that’s on, they’re all-nonsense really, rather than no-nonsense, but never mind, Mary is ready, bejewelled fingers on thrusting hips, and all that.

The report revealing this surprising development was in The Grocer magazine, which is not on my usual reading list.

Sadly, the publication’s website was blocked to idle loitering from columnists with sly intent – that is, unless they were prepared to pay for a subscription.

So I had to reply on reports elsewhere, but never mind. The point still stands. Is it surprising that appearing on television in carefully choreographed reality shows should equip a person to sort out the beleaguered High Street? Well, I should say so.

Maybe this one-woman powerhouse of ideas will sweep in and resolve the economic downturn, fill the aisles with shoppers flicking credit cards in all directions, and have everyone shopping for Britain again.

But doesn’t David Cameron already have someone whose job it is to do that? I think you’ll find he lives next door and goes by the name of George Osborne, the Chancellor.

Of course, George isn’t as colourful as Mary, and his TV appearances tend to be limited to the sonorous and gloomy, although he is seen to smile occasionally, a surprising sight and one that doesn’t give too many babies nightmares.

Mary does have one arresting suggestion. This is that the big supermarkets such as Tesco should dip into their pockets to support local stores. Well, I know for a fact that some local stores are struggling, here in York and elsewhere, so perhaps there is something in this. And the big supermarkets can make life a struggle for small local shops.

Then again, it will probably prove to be one of those off-the-lacy-cuff notions that blows away quicker than lint in a gale. Especially when Tesco gets to hear about it. So the prospects are dim, but at least we can hope that Mr Cameron will find time for a hammy photo-shoot with Mary Portas.

Now it occurs to me that this could all be part of some weird job-swap arrangement between television and real life. Lord Sugar gets a transfer from business to front The Apprentice on TV, and Mary Portas goes from TV to the corridors of power.

Incidentally, I see that Gordon Ramsay is back on television, presenting a show called Gordon’s Great Escape. Well, he has a lot to escape from, considering his much-reported legal difficulties with his father-in-law and other business challenges.

Mr Cameron might like to find a job for Gordon, sorting out the national diet perhaps. Or giving us lessons in elocution and etiquette. Or paying off the deficit with a giant swear-box. Then he wouldn’t have to eat deep-fried tarantulas on television.

• VINCENT CABLE knows how to knock off a quotable phrase. His wounded observation that the Conservative Party was “ruthless, calculating and thoroughly tribal” rolled about the headlines like a pinball shaken free.

The thing is, though – he knew that before he got into bed with them. It’s no use complaining now that David Cameron has started hogging the coalition duvet.

Still, Mr Cable does tend to get it in the neck. So let’s end by saying it was cheering to see that the Press Complaints Commission intends to reprimand the Daily Telegraph for its undercover recording of Cable and other Lib Dem ministers.

That was a low trick, funny for a moment in that Mr Cable was flattered into unwise confession by attractive young women reporters, but not good journalism.