Water torture... and it’s my fault

So a word of friendly advice – don’t purchase anything from an online company you don’t know until you’ve checked them out.

And I mean checked them out. If I’d had the foresight or been sensible enough to have found reviews of this particular company before I’d bought the goods I wanted I wouldn’t have touched them with a barge pole. But I’ve bought so much on line in recent years from reputable companies with no problems whatsoever that it’s now clear I’d been lulled into a false sense of security.

So when we needed a couple of new taps I gaily tapped in to my search engine and chose an online outfit. They took my money fast enough, and one of the taps arrived a couple of days after that. But it was the wrong one. And as for the other tap I was fobbed off for weeks with excuses about when it would arrive until in the end they offered me a cheaper – and in my view somewhat inferior in quality – replacement.

Like an idiot I accepted it and it now doesn’t have pride of place in my kitchen but, I think, looks rather pathetic although it does (sort of) do the job.

That, though, isn’t the worst of it. I’m still waiting to get my money back for the balance between the replacement tap and the one I originally ordered, plus the refund for the wrongly supplied second tap, which was duly returned to them weeks ago.

I’m owed several hundred pounds and at the time of writing and eight weeks after this sorry saga began I’m still waiting. Emails are ignored. When they do deign to respond to increasingly fractious correspondence all you get is platitudinous rubbish feigning to be ‘customer service’ – but no money.

Cheques are alleged to have been sent in the post first class, but they never arrive. And when you call them on their 0844 number you can’t actually speak to a Real Person, but are directed to use email to get in touch. Funny that...

It was with increasing doom that I found a consumer review site on line that catalogued a very long list of similar tales of woe in relation to this firm.

And interspersed with this web-based catalogue of errors were mealy-mouthed letters of apology from one of the company’s directors purporting to address individually highlighted concerns.

If said director spent as much effort refunding people their money as penning these on line missives then he wouldn’t find his company reputation – if indeed, it’s got one to be proud of - shot to pieces because he’s having to deal with an increasingly angry uprising of disaffected consumers.

The one saving grace in all this is that I bought said taps with a credit card, which means I can pursue a refund through the credit supplier. But although such legislation is there to protect the consumer it’s hugely frustrating that the onus is totally on the wronged purchaser to make all the running in a bid to win their hard earned money back.

Cue more phone calls, emails and tearing your hair out. (Perhaps I can give the latter to Wayne Rooney – he obviously feels he needs it more than I do, but thereby hangs another tale...) There’s probably some Trading Standards consumer guru reading this shaking his head and tutting what a bloody fool I am. Well, yes. Can’t dispute that one.

And I’m ashamed to say that my dad, if he were still alive, would be holding his head in his hands in horror, given that pretty much his whole career was spent in consumer protection and he used to drum into us until we pleaded with him to stop about what traders could and couldn’t do. So I’m yet another fool who didn’t heed the advice of their parents...

His professional body, the Trading Standards Institute – of which, in his time he was a leading light - has clear advice about the pitfalls of shopping on line.

As does the likes of the government’s citizens’ website Directgov, the Citizens Advice Bureau and the Office of Fair Trading, plus a host of others.

So although I’ve been caught out there’s no reason why anyone else should. Be warned, and shop safely.