WE DON’T go a bundle on Father’s Day, but the odd gift has occasionally been presented to my husband.
The only one – among the novelty socks, jokey boxer shorts and bizarre bottle openers – to have survived the test of time is a mug bearing the words ‘Daddy Cool’.
Now my daughters think their father is anything but cool – cool being hip, fun and generally awesome; they see both of us as a permanent source of embarrassment.
Everyone else’s dad is cooler, smarter, funnier and generally more acceptable in their eyes.
So they make every effort to rectify this sad situation. “Dad, that shirt would look nice on you,” they chirp, pointing out an item of clothing in a catalogue (they know by now that he would rather walk through a pool of leeches than set foot in a clothes shop). They usually pick a nice pastel shade, which would in all probability look good, but which would be too major a departure from the plain white shirts he has worn to work for the past 20 years.
Making dad look cool is obviously an issue in many quarters – there’s a website “130 ways to make your dad look cool”, with suggestions ranging from buying him a designer shirt (this is obviously aimed at rich kids) to a trendy man bag, flashy watch or expensive cuff-links.
Sounds ideal if your dad is aiming to be Sir Alan Sugar’s latest apprentice, but my husband’s look – which has been carefully cultivated over time – is more fugitive than executive.
If your children think you’re cool, you’ve really achieved something.
My dad had some very un-cool moments. I used to beg him not to pick me and my friends up from school discos dressed in his pyjamas. He had a coat on top, but that was worse – old and battered, and tied around the waist with twine.
His day wear was – and still is – I have to concede, fairly cool. I always liked his casual style of sports jacket, shirt and trousers.
But, to a teenage mind, his pursuits left a lot to be desired. Trailing across the moors on a weekend to look at stones seemed to me about as un-cool as you could get. Other families did really cool things like visit theme parks and shopping centres.
Despite it being a clear-cut case of a losing battle, my daughters persevere with their bid to make dad cool. They choose T-shirts which are rejected as too zany, and jackets with zips – a definite no-no, he argues.
He may be cooler than they think, however. Some of his jeans are so torn and baggy they reveal his underwear.
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