IF the BBC Sports Personality of the Year show can bestow unmerited glory upon certain sections of the sporting spectrum, then by golly so can this column.

It is Christmas week after all, and thus time for some kind of end-of-year roll of debatable honour. But not for us the customary catalogue of extraordinary achievement and derring-do over the past 12 months, and not even the counter series of spectacular failure and terrific cock-ups.

No, taking inspiration from the fact the British Lions somehow won Spoty’s Team of the Year and indeed Coach of the Year on the back of an unremarkable feat of beating an unexceptional Australia team, here we delve into the realm of magnificent mediocrity.

We celebrate the underrated worthiness of not doing too much wrong, of simply getting by. It is, when all is said and done, what most of us are quite good at.

Unfortunately, these awards won’t be presented amid glitz and glamour. In fact, rather fittingly, they won’t be presented at all. Nevertheless, herewith is a list of inconspicuous run-of-the-millness that deserves if not acclamation then some form of recognition. Probably.

Team of the Year: the Spoty panel

Yes, the very folk who inspired this column. The folk who decided Warren Gatland and his men merited not one but two high-profile Spoty accolades. The Lions triumphed in a series for the first time in years but the Wallabies, lest we forget amid the hullabaloo, have won a particularly average 16 of their last 30 games in a run that includes defeats to England and even Scotland (no offence, Scotland). It all makes the Spoty panel’s decision, ignoring much more deserving claims, wonderfully inappreciable. Well done.

Sportsman of the Year: the British tennis number two (men)

He’s so good at tennis that he’s better at it than everyone in Britain apart from Andy Murray, and he probably enjoys a decent lifestyle on the back of it. But do you know who it is? Neither do we. Top marks.

Manager of the Year: Roy Hodgson

A shoo-in. Unable to make England’s World Cup qualifying bid either a glorious march or a laughable failure, he turned us from a largely uninspiring team of averageness into a largely average team of uninspiringness. Mediocrity is sure to be confirmed in Brazil next summer.

Pundit of the Year: Alan Shearer

A man who provides so little analysis of any real worth yet always gets a gig on the sofa. Even his over-use of the word “sensational”, thrown in at least three times per Match of the Day, struggles to lift his sparkle beyond the mundane. Similarly, confirmation of his own opinion via the phrase “he really is/it really is” adds no additional significance to his punditry. It really does.

Match of the Year:

It’s the Premier League. It’s Super Sunday. It’s Stoke 0 Norwich 1.

Race of the Year:

Take your pick from Formula One.

Presenter of the Year: Gabby Logan

Gets lots of vehicles and always does everything well. But, to borrow a football cliché, utility value prevents her nailing down a first-team spot. Averageness runs in the family via dad Terry and husband Kenny.

Commentators of the Year: Eddie and Stevo

If the brilliant, excitable and informative way with words displayed during the Rugby League World Cup by the likes of Dave Woods and Aussie Andrew Voss on BBC and Premier Sports proved one thing, it’s that Sky Sports’ Super League format fronted by Eddie Hemmings and Mike Stephenson is really rather tired.

Return of the Year: Jose Mourinho

A major fanfare welcomed the Special One back to Stamford Bridge. But already he’s talking about grinding out uninspiring victories. Good one, Jose.

Legacy of the Year: The Olympics

So, we all enjoyed London 2012, and even the Anniversary Games were quite good. Apparently there is a legacy too, somewhere.

Project of the Year: York Community Stadium

Well, things seem to be moving on a bit. Retains the award for the fifth year running.

Footballer of the Year: Jordan Henderson

A few half-decent games and suddenly he’s the future of English football. Such a plaudit should lift him out of the reckoning here, but it merely served to remind people he was still actually playing. Even his ludicrous price tag when he moved to Liverpool was topped (Andy Carroll being the more spectacular waste of money), and since then his engine room performances have bore the hallmarks of neither a Ferrari nor a Lada but a Ford Focus. Takes the mantle off Kevin Kilbane, who won 110 caps without ever doing anything.

Retirement of the Year: Kevin Kilbane

It was met with such indifference that no one noticed it in fact happened at the end of 2012, so shouldn’t be allowed here. Bonus point.

Sporting venue of the Year: Coventry’s Ricoh Arena

There’s talk of the UK Snooker Championship moving from York’s Barbican, where it gets super crowds and has a great atmosphere in one of the country’s most beautiful cities, to the Ricoh Arena. Having never been to the Ricoh, it’s probably churlish to criticise it too much. However, it’s in Coventry.

Sports personality of the Year: Andy Murray

Forget his wonderful, uplifting, heroic Wimbledon achievement, his comment on Spoty about being very excited yet not sounding it means Andy gets this gong for – you’ve guessed it – his personality.

Sports column of the Year:

This one Obviously. Merry Christmas and all that.